So, you’re interested in couple’s therapy? First of all, huge props that you are ready to improve, tweak, upgrade, and transform your relationship!
You have stumbled upon Shift at an interesting time for us when it comes to couple’s therapy. As you may have heard, we are committed to changing the game of therapy and delivering great outcomes for our clients. We have spent many hours creating an individual therapy protocol that focuses on creating the change that clients want to see in their lives and now we are looking to do the same for couple’s therapy.
We have noticed the following trends in couple’s sessions:
- They need some minor adjustments and education on how to more effectively communicate or strengthen their connection.
- One (or most often both) of the participants in the relationship are feeling the activation or triggering of their own individual shit (i.e. limiting beliefs) and therefore would benefit from their own individual therapy. For example, if I hold the belief that “I don’t matter” then I am going to be hyper-tuned into any sign that my partner isn’t prioritizing my needs. So, if my partner leaves a wet towel on the floor after I have asked them not to, I am going to take it very personally and either freak out on them or silently resent them. If I have a need for control, I may nitpick my partner to the point that they stop helping with anything because they know they can never get it right and then I follow up with resentment that everything falls on me! These are landmines that live within the individual and often, couple’s therapy has a hard time getting at them. It is also tough to utilize helpful techniques when our emotions are involved because of that lovely pent up resentment that can be present to activate our shit).
So here’s what we are looking to do about it. We are developing couple’s therapy seminars and workshops so those who could benefit from education can get just that. For the majority though, we strongly believe that the best way to improve your relationship is to first work on yourself. Therefore, we would love to see both partners attend their own individual therapy to address and understand your own limiting beliefs and how your partner may be triggering them and then work to neutralize them through bilateral stimulation. At that point, some couples may no longer feel the need to attend couple’s therapy because they are no longer activating each other. On the other hand, at that point, attending a workshop may be just the thing you need for some final adjustments and we would welcome you to our seminars.
While we are busy at work developing our seminars, here are some great resources to check out:
- On episode 27 of The Shift Show Podcast titled Limiting Beliefs in Relationships, Zac and Dr Lindsay go into detail about how different limiting beliefs show up in relationships.
- 7 Principles of Making Marriage Work by John Gottman is a book we have based much of our couple’s approach on. It is a fantastic book for you or your partner to work through together as it has many great strategies for communication and rebuilding the connection.
- The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman is another great resource. Sometimes the way we show our partner love is not the way they need to receive it. This book will help to better focus your love efforts on what you both need in your relationship.
While we don’t provide couple’s counselling in Edmonton and Calgary, we encourage you to explore how the Shift Protocol for individuals will help relationships. A registered psychologist, provisional psychologist, or counsellor provides individual therapy instead of couples and marriage counselling.